"N" Search of Ecstasy

I know that most people don’t realize it, but the words we say really do mean a lot. Often times most people either don’t think before they speak or they take for granted the things that they say.

Both written as well as the spoken word truly have a great deal of power; much more power than the person uttering them realizes. Words have the power to make a person’s day or send the spiraling into hell. The worst part about it is that the person doing it may not even know it!

For demonstration purposes, I’ll share a couple of examples:

(1) I sent out digital pictures taken during my thanksgiving vacation a few days ago. These pictures were only sent to close friend and family. Shortly after sending the pics, I received a phone call about the pics. The person called me basically only to say, “Oh, I saw your pictures….You have a crooked smile.” I shouldn’t forget that they casually through in that they liked my hair after saying this!

Now, I’ve lived with this smile my entire life (32 years). I looked at the pictures very carefully prior to sending them. Did they think that I did not already know that I have a crooked smile? Did the person think that I would take that as a compliment or think that it was funny? Did they intend to send me into a downward spiral? No…..I’m sure that they didn’t, but sometimes people would like to have a compliment every now and then instead of criticism. To most, I’m sure these simple words would mean nothing. But for me a person that struggles everyday with loving the person that she is, a person that is not always confident w/the way that they look, a person that has always received negative criticism growing up, the comment tore through me like a knife and it was perceived as being negative.

As a child growing up and even into my early 20s, it has always been, “She’s cute to be her size’’, or “Nicki, you’re pretty but you are just so fat” or “You’d look really good if …….”. Never that I was beautiful just the way that I am. These comments still torture me even today. Just like “you have a crooked smile… I like you hair”. It is because of things like this that it is eXtremely difficult for me to accept a compliment.

(2) For my second example, I was reading the comments left on my blog post for 11/27/05. I received two VERY positive comments that stand out in my mind. One was from “Crazy White Gurl” and the other was from Nikki. Nikki said in her comment that I was “gorgeous”! Not that I was cute or even pretty, but GORGEOUS and there was no “but” or “you’d be gorgeous if…..”

I was like wow and beaming from ear to ear. Did she know that her comment would make my day? Hmmmm, I’m pretty sure that she didn’t, but the fact of the matter is that she did!

Do I need to be fed with a long handled spoon? No…. Most days I can’t say fug the world and get ghetto with the best of ‘em. It’s just that sometime you don’t wanna hear any crap. Sometimes you’d like to feel good about yourself and not always be fricking criticized about sh*t.

So, basically my point is this, I know that this world is going to always be a nice place to live in and that it will not always be kind to us, but it would be a lot nicer place to live in if people just kept in mind: