As the Weekend Draws to a Close .....
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Well, the weekend has come to an end. I swear every weekend goes by soooooo fast. Every time I turn around it is 8:00pm on Sunday night. I must say that I definitely enjoyed having the extra day off to. I could actually use at least one more day! I don’t know why, but I really do not want to go to work tomorrow.
I’m sitting here watching Desperate Housewives. Well at least half watching it anyway cause I'm sitting up here just typing away. Do you actually think that Gabrielle will lose the baby since she fell down the stairs tonight? I hope not, but I would not be surprised a bit if they write that into that story because I can't really see her character being the 'mother-type', know what mean?
Florida A&M vs. Bethune-Cookman
A lot of my friends including one of my sisters are going to the Florida Classic in Orlando this coming weekend. Now, for some reason I’m kinda wishing that I had made plans to go to. I mean I can’t believe that I actually gave up the opportunity to go to the classic! ...... For those of you who are not familiar with "the classic", it is annual rivalry-type game in which Florida's two Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU), Florida A&M University (FAMU),which is my alma mater, and Bethune-Cookman College (BCC) square off against one another.
Please, don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not ‘in love’ with football or anything even remotely close. It’s the fun, excitement festivities, and all of those gorgeous MENS. Yeah I said it …. all of the men. I mean, that would be a great way to spend a birthday weekend don’t ya think. All those hotties everywhere. Hell yeah!! Anyhoo, I’ll tell you one thing, I won’t be missing it next year! My birthday will be that Friday and it’s gonna be a crunk-n-drunk weekend baby!
Speaking of Birthdays
I have one coming up here soon and the closer it gets you’d think that I would be feeling a lot more excited than I am but for some reason I’m sad. I can’t even tell you why really …. I just am. Part of it may be that I haven’t accomplished all of things that I thought that I would have by this point in my life and my birthday is just a yearly reminder of all of my failures. I know, I know. I can hear everyone now telling me how much I have to be thankful for. And believe me, once in a while I stop and think about all of the blessing that God has bestowed upon me and how after everything that I been through, the trials and tribulations, I’m so proud of the person that I’ve come to be. But sometimes I feel that its not enough. Although, I know that I have alot to be thankful for, sometimes it seems that I have many internal struggles and things that I wish could change about myself to. Sometimes I feel so insecure with myself and other times I feel that I'm beautiful. My struggle with my weight is one of the most depressing failures in my life. I've tried so hard to become that beautiful woman that I know lives inside of me but there is always some road block. What is so depressing about this is that when I look at my sisters, they are are normal weight so why do I have to be like this?
I almost don't even want to post this because this is not normally something that I would share. I may mention it here and there but for the most part, I do not share these deep seeded feelings I have about my insecurities. I guess that a part of me does want to express it though and get this off my chest. Part of me does wish that I could reach out to someone who understands what I am going through. That's what blogs are for right?
All the best,
Nicoletta ~ N Search of Ecstasy
I’m sitting here watching Desperate Housewives. Well at least half watching it anyway cause I'm sitting up here just typing away. Do you actually think that Gabrielle will lose the baby since she fell down the stairs tonight? I hope not, but I would not be surprised a bit if they write that into that story because I can't really see her character being the 'mother-type', know what mean?
Florida A&M vs. Bethune-Cookman
A lot of my friends including one of my sisters are going to the Florida Classic in Orlando this coming weekend. Now, for some reason I’m kinda wishing that I had made plans to go to. I mean I can’t believe that I actually gave up the opportunity to go to the classic! ...... For those of you who are not familiar with "the classic", it is annual rivalry-type game in which Florida's two Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU), Florida A&M University (FAMU),which is my alma mater, and Bethune-Cookman College (BCC) square off against one another.
Please, don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not ‘in love’ with football or anything even remotely close. It’s the fun, excitement festivities, and all of those gorgeous MENS. Yeah I said it …. all of the men. I mean, that would be a great way to spend a birthday weekend don’t ya think. All those hotties everywhere. Hell yeah!! Anyhoo, I’ll tell you one thing, I won’t be missing it next year! My birthday will be that Friday and it’s gonna be a crunk-n-drunk weekend baby!
Speaking of Birthdays
I have one coming up here soon and the closer it gets you’d think that I would be feeling a lot more excited than I am but for some reason I’m sad. I can’t even tell you why really …. I just am. Part of it may be that I haven’t accomplished all of things that I thought that I would have by this point in my life and my birthday is just a yearly reminder of all of my failures. I know, I know. I can hear everyone now telling me how much I have to be thankful for. And believe me, once in a while I stop and think about all of the blessing that God has bestowed upon me and how after everything that I been through, the trials and tribulations, I’m so proud of the person that I’ve come to be. But sometimes I feel that its not enough. Although, I know that I have alot to be thankful for, sometimes it seems that I have many internal struggles and things that I wish could change about myself to. Sometimes I feel so insecure with myself and other times I feel that I'm beautiful. My struggle with my weight is one of the most depressing failures in my life. I've tried so hard to become that beautiful woman that I know lives inside of me but there is always some road block. What is so depressing about this is that when I look at my sisters, they are are normal weight so why do I have to be like this?
I almost don't even want to post this because this is not normally something that I would share. I may mention it here and there but for the most part, I do not share these deep seeded feelings I have about my insecurities. I guess that a part of me does want to express it though and get this off my chest. Part of me does wish that I could reach out to someone who understands what I am going through. That's what blogs are for right?
All the best,
Nicoletta ~ N Search of Ecstasy
"If you see someone without a smile today, give them one of yours"
posted by Superstar Nic at 9:56 PM, | 
6 Comments:
Nic, you are an outstanding woman! I admire you in so many ways. I understand the problems you have with your weight; I have them too! You just gotta keep on truckin! Losing weight is one of the toughest things. It's so difficult, especially in today's society, everything is focused around being so thin and having this dream body. But, then there's the food industry where it's the bigger the better.
Girl, I understand where you are coming from. Don't feel alone, I'm always here if you need to vent, or to talk. Plus, you know I can make you laugh...even when you don't want to!!
Girl, I understand where you are coming from. Don't feel alone, I'm always here if you need to vent, or to talk. Plus, you know I can make you laugh...even when you don't want to!!
I do not know why you are sweating it, you have been a gorgeous woman your entire life. I know your weight has been an issue for you but that is not who you are. If you are always feeling depressed and have low self esteem how can you expect to achieve this ecstacy that you are looking for. You must learn to love you and if you do not love you who will. Women who tend to be depressed and do not love themselves first will allow men to use and abuse them, this is not who you are. You are gorgeous and sexy, so what you are a little thick at least you are trying to do something about. In the meantime enjoy life if not it will pass you by. We all have something in our lives we want to change, how small your sisters are from time to time I hear them talk about losing weight. Get over it and learn to love you for who you are. Love your big but, I love mine.
Anonymous you have brought tears to my eyes and just made my day.
Thank you!
Nic ~ A Little Closer to Ecstasy!
Thank you!
Nic ~ A Little Closer to Ecstasy!
nikki nikki nikki you know our situations are so alike. you know it's comforting to know that personality rules over everything and there's someone bigger than you too. please don't give up you have come to far. Your stylist and friend
MP, I really appreciate what you had to say. It’s been therapeutic for me as well. Getting the positive feedback on this one and having the opportunity to get this off my chest. I mean it’s not something that I can see myself sitting down with someone sharing fact-to-face. Everyone has given some very valuable advice and like I said, I really appreciate it!
The show is getting boring! She is the only reason why I am watching!