Today We Got Jokes
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
The Old Motor
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
The old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old motor running."
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending this delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, "Sir, you are something else. How do you do it?"
The old man grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor running."
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth and after the delivery she approached the old gentleman, smiling, and said, "Well, you surely are something else. How do you do it?"
The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running."
The nurse, still smiling, said to the old gentleman, "Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black."
Baby's First Doctor Visit
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned,asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?
"Breast-fed,"she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He Pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for awhile in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
CORPORATE GHETTO
YOU KNOW YOU ARE CORPORATE GHETTO IF TWO OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ARE TRUE:
1. YOU DON'T OFFICIALLY START WORKING IN THE MORNING UNTIL YOU READ YOUR EMAILS AND EAT YOUR BISCUIT
2. YOU HAVE AT LEAST ONE DRAWER/CABINET THAT CONTAINS MORE FOOD THAN
OFFICE SUPPLIES.
3. NOT ONLY DO YOU KNOW ALL THE SECURITY GUARDS, JANITORS AND CAFETERIA
WORKERS, ONE OF THEM HAS ASKED YOU OUT ON A DATE.
4. YOUR VERSION OF A CONFERENCE CALL IS WHEN YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS AND
PLAN WHAT YOU ARE DOING FOR THE WEEKEND.
5. THE ONLY TIME YOUR MAN/WOMAN PICKS YOU UP FROM WORK IS ON PAYDAY.
6. FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS CALL YOU AT WORK TO CUSS YOU OUT BECAUSE
YOU DIDN'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE QUICK ENOUGH.
7. YOU PAINT YOUR NAILS AT YOUR DESK.
8. WHEN YOU ARE ON A PERSONAL CALL YOU, LAUGH SO LOUD YOUR CO-WORKERS ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE OFFICE COME AND ASK YOU WHAT'S SO FUNNY.
9. YOU HAVE PICTURES ON YOUR WALL WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS AT THE CLUB.
10. TO BEAT THE SYSTEM, YOU HAVE CODES FOR PERSONAL CALLS THAT LETS
SOMEONE KNOW TO CALL YOU RIGHT BACK. (LET THE PHONE RING TWO TIMES AND
CALL ME RIGHT BACK).
11. YOU GIVE YOUR OUT-OF-TOWN FRIENDS YOUR COMPANY'S 1-800 NUMBER.
12. BEFORE CALLING IN SICK, YOU REHEARSE YOUR SICK VOICE AND SICK STORY
SEVERAL TIMES OUT LOUD.
13. COWORKERS INQUIRE HOW YOUR FATHER'S SURGERY WENT THAT REQUIRED YOU TO BE OUT FOR DAYS AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOUR DADDY IS.
14. YOU USE THE COMPANY'S POSTAGE MACHINE TO STAMP YOUR PERSONAL MAIL.
15. YOUR KID'S SCHOOL SUPPLIES ALL HAVE YOUR COMPANY INSIGNIA ON THEM,
YOU ORDER PERSONAL SUPPLIES FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS.
16. YOU CALL IN SICK ON PAYDAY FRIDAY AND SEND YOUR COUSIN TO PICK UP
YOUR PAYCHECK. (NOW THAT'S REAL GHETTO!! GET DIRECT DEPOSIT!!)
17. YOU CONTRIBUTE $1 TO THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY, EAT THE MOST FOOD
AND TAKE A PLATTER OF LUNCH MEAT AND POTATO SALAD HOME TO YOUR FAMILY
FOR DINNER.
18. BEFORE SOMEONE USES YOUR TELEPHONE AT YOUR DESK, THEY HAVE TO WIPE
THE CHICKEN GREASE OFF THE HANDSET.
19. YOU CALL IN SICK ON FRIDAY BECAUSE YOU WENT OUT ON THURSDAY.
20. YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR SUPERVISOR AND A COUPLE OTHER COWORKERS AND YOU
TELL THEM OFF ON A REGULAR BASIS AND WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
PROMOTED.
21. YOU GET YOUR HAIRCUT/HAIR DONE ON LUNCH AND COME BACK TWO HOURS
LATER AND THEN ASK "WAS ANYBODY LOOKING FOR ME?".
22. YOU CUSS YOUR CREDITORS OUT FOR CALLING YOU AT WORK.
23. YOU COME TO WORK ON FRIDAY'S DRESSED FOR THE CLUB.
24. YOUR KIDS CALL YOUR JOB AND SAY TO THE OPERATOR, "LET ME SPEAK TO MY
MAMA"
25. YOU ARE SITTING THERE READING THIS INSTEAD OF GETTING YOUR WORK
DONE.
This is Superstar Nic
A Little Closer 2 Ecstasy and I'm out!
"If you see someone without a smile today, give them one of yours!"
